I had never researched it, never even thought about it honestly. I had heard about it, I had read a blog or two about it. Just mostly never thought it would pertain to us. BOOT CAMP just sounded a little harsh.
Holiday time can be so busy. We are already busy people then add the holiday season with all that goes on and well we had not been as focused on our relationship as we both like to be. DD was there, but with so much company, Angel being home most of the time, shopping, cooking, and traveling we just had very little time for US. To top it off another not scheduled trip (only 18 days) across the country for Lee. UGH!
I received an email from Lee this one kinda shocked me.
“I want you to always have that feeling that I am watching you, I want you to feel that whether we are together or apart that you know I am there to lead and take care of you as well as respect my direction, expectations and knowing that I will hold you just as accountable as I do of myself. I will not let things slide as I have these past two months whether you think your good or not. I want more dominance out of me as I know this will lead to what I want more out of you being more submissive.
Here is what I want more from each of us. I know you do not want to hear this, but I want to do a mini boot camp. I know this will help reset and instill in us our roles. In reading about this again there are areas that will benefit both of us to achieve the levels I want from each other. I know you don't and will put up a fuss, but I am not going to waiver on this too much. I will consider baby steps here and we can discuss, but I will make the final decision that is best for both of us. The us part is the dominance and submissiveness I am looking for.”
He is correct I did put up a lil fuss. I have to admit though the more he explained it, what he believed would benefit the two of us the more I was curious. We exchanged a few emails about it, spoke a lil on the phone about it, he decided we would start when he returned. Lee returned late that night after a 20+ hour flight I knew he would have jet lag, much to my surprise he was very much alert & awake.
We discussed, I mostly listened, I truly did! One thing that truly amazes me about my husband is he has his own way about things. He did read/research about “boot camp”, he decided what he would implement in our life to help get us both back on track and where he/we would like to be. I love the fact that he admits he is not perfect and I love the fact that he holds himself also accountable when we let this part of our lifestyle take a backseat.
This “boot camp” I truly think should be called “basic training” it for us is to help as he said to instill in us our roles (reaffirm) which both however different, are both just as important to one another.
It has only been a few days, and I must say the man (drill Sergeant) is really taking his role seriously. He isn’t really barking out orders to me that is not his way. Well he is having me do a few things that I am not at all accustomed to. If I falter there is a consequence, Lee says boot camp (“mini” mind you is what he said in his email) will last 21 days. Something about making a habit & breaking a habit, whatever!
Our boot camp/basic training is ours; it is about the things we both need to work on for the benefit of our relationship. Some things I am now required to do are things some of my friends have never had an issue with but might be more difficult for me. These can really be very basic tasks or requirements. Some requirements are to let me know he is the one in charge not me. Some might even be for his benefit only.
I have spoken with some of my friends about this; we actually had a tih chat conversation about it. We spoke about intensity how it isn’t just about punishment & sp******, the intensity is also about the feeling of HOH being on all the time and you submitting to the requests that are made even if in your prideful head you are thinking… Are you serious, or just crazy? I believe the goal might be to not think that. lol Some have had boot camp; some of those believe a longer one would be much more beneficial.
After the conversation, it seemed to me many tih’s would like a “boot camp” their “OWN” boot camp. Maybe to reaffirm their roles, work on consistency, to know their HOH is truly vested & paying attention, to even receive that attention, for their HOH to become more confident in their role and not feel guilty possibly about “hurting” the one they love, maybe for a couple who has practiced for awhile a way to “jumpstart” if maybe there has been a lull, showing your vulnerability, losing some of the bad habits formed over the years, to stop over thinking or analyzing, the closeness felt, and for some it is just simple when they are showing their dominance we just MELT and truly become submissive and it feels amazing.
I realized also that many, whether submissive naturally or just bold really want the same thing to know their HOH is the one in charge, true to their word (we hate empty threats). One of my friends said it best she is submissive to her HOH 90% of the time but that last 10% is maybe PRIDE that the HOH has to break through to truly get that 100%, because for many 100% is the goal, whether we give it or they have to take it. Some of us want to know they are strong enough to break through and take it. It is not that we doubt their strength, but honestly some can manipulate, talk, or even seduce that strength right out of them.
We all have our own things to work on and different things, habits to break, different ways to work on them, that is why it is so important to make things whether rules, consequences, boot camp, or DD your own.
I am excited and apprehensive about this “Basic Training” only time will tell.