Misconceptions....

I have something that is really bothering me, I know it shouldn’t be and I probably really shouldn’t care, but I do care. I have made some IRL friends in what I call my chat home, and some people I have not met as of yet that I consider friends.

A simple comment was made one day that stated in many blogs this person read she found that many people who begin this lifestyle are in unhappy marriages, saving a marriage, bad relationships, etc. and DD is repairing them, instead of improving an already good relationship. That could be true for the most part I really don’t know.

 For myself I have had the kind of husband most of my friends want or think they want. A husband who has tried to always please me by making me happy. A man that has always been true to his word, caring, respectful, successful, and a very affectionate loving husband and I am not even going to speak on the dad he is but that part is pretty awesome also. I hate to say DD has saved our marriage but I do believe it has.

Lee had no idea I was having the emotions or feelings I was having about our marriage. I don’t know if it was a mid life crisis, if I was bored, overwhelmed, or if I wanted a change. But I needed one, as I have said before in my blog and on chat we were just letting life get in the way of nurturing our marriage.

 I wanted to be the best mom I could be, volunteer, room mom, team mom, dance mom, cheer mom, vbs teacher, etc I could go on and on. I wanted to be a great friend, be involved in the community and at church, I wanted to set an example for our kids, I actually somehow became a mom before I was a wife before I realized it.  Lee was always providing for us, never missing the cheering, dancing, piano, softball, swimming, choir, soccer, track, etc. He was their cheerleader, coach, homework helper, project assistant, etc.  All the while neither of us realizing we were neglecting “us”.

 One day many many years later Lee was traveling again and I discovered I felt lonely, bored, just like something was missing. Not because he was really neglecting me but because we both became so involved in other things and when we were together we really were not alone much of the time.

I don’t mean to keep rambling I guess I just want to make it clear yes our marriage was in trouble but not because of lack of love, respect, affection for one another. It was because we I guess neglected “us” but not intentional. We weren’t busy partying, playing video games, going out with our friends without one another all the time. No matter what the reason we still neglected the nurturing a marriage needs.  We did have a good marriage before DD, but “good” wasn’t good enough for me and I am guessing the way Lee has taken to DD and says we will never go back to the old way “good” wasn’t good enough for him either. I guess I just wanted to say not all marriages that are/were in trouble were bad marriages, they like DD have their own special unique individual flavor and mine is not vanilla.