I feel like we are at the end of a journey
tonight. I know much has to do with him being away for so long and before he
left there were many reasons we were not our “normal” selves. Sometimes I
believe you get to a point to where you think… Is this ever going to work for
more than a few months. It is on it is off and then repeat. I tonight am
finished repeating. I am not mad or upset just accepting of the fact. That is scary
in itself, for me when I just accept something even something I do not like, I
am usually not very silent about it, when I do become silent that pretty much
means well I am just done.
I do not know what the future holds. I do not know
how this will play out. I do know this lifestyle brought us much closer
together, improved the intimacy, and the passion I felt I had not felt in a
very long time. I won’t say those things are gone they are just in a secret
hiding place that I can’t seem to find.
It makes me wonder for those that have tried
without success to get their partner on board. Is it harder to start stop and
repeat? Maybe it is harder to never start when it is something you truly
desire, want or even need. I have always felt so bad for those that can’t seem
to make their partner understand how important this is to them. I also feel bad
for the ones that had a relationship only to have it not work out and have to
start over.
There are so many positives about this
relationship, but I certainly believe if not done correctly there are just as
many negatives.
