Wednesday, September 25, 2013

DD Dinner Date

I was so very excited Saturday, after texting with Cat my good friend on chat, just out of the blue, I asked hey do ya’ll want to meet for dinner tonight or tomorrow? We are going to meet again, YAY! This time for dinner, and this time with our husbands (hoh’s). I just couldn’t wait, I have only met her once in reality but we talk, text, and chat quite a bit with one another. I am not really nervous or apprehensive about meeting her HOH, I am just so excited to be seeing her again. Lee doesn’t seem nervous or apprehensive at all either.
We are driving, on our way to meet our friends. As we are getting closer, I am thinking to myself, I wonder what he is really like. I hope I make a good impression, I hope they like each other. I wonder if he is going to be way too Hoh’y? Can I say that? Yep, I can, it is my blog. I need to be on my best behavior. I hope Cat likes Lee, surely she will everyone likes Lee. I hope Alec likes me. That would be terrible if only Cat & I liked each other.
          We are entering the parking lot at exactly the same time, Cat is waving. I am so excited to see her again. I had to run to the restroom so I didn’t see when Alec & Lee met. I entered the bar and there they all were!!! Wow. I am now meeting Alec, mycats Alec. Such a gentleman, stands up as most good men do in the south, we hug and all have a toast!!!
          While waiting for our table we talk, laugh, tease, joke around with one another. Cat & I disappear outside for a lil smoke break, (we are working very hard on quitting). Lucky us! Alec & Lee are so very happy to assist us with this. Anyway back to the dinner, Cat & I outside just chatting away like we have known each other forever, we can tell they are hitting it off, no doubt. But we both had already decided well if they don’t, too bad, cause we certainly have. They will just have to make the best of it LOL!
          You really never know who you are talking to in chat, someone you might be telling all of your deep dark secrets, frustrations, or desires to. People you ask questions or have dialog with, people who might be the only ones that know this private lifestyle you might be living. Some you might become closer to than others, maybe because you have similar interests, age, issues, and/or just click with. People I feel like I have become close to, people I seem to trust, people that I now consider my friends, they are my chat friends.  But... do I really know these people? Are they who they portray to be?  Well I have only met Alec & Cat so far  but I can tell you these two people are exactly who they portray in chat, exactly. Cat had also said the same thing about Lee. It was very nice to see my chat friends who have now become my real life friends also. I just wanted you all to know, my experience with meeting my chat friends in real life was spectacular, It could not have went any better. Well except for maybe the water spray across the table!!

Ok, my turn.
Going back...the whole ride to dinner, Honey & I are texting as our hubbies are driving. You'd think we might want to save something to talk about when we see each other. Turns out that will never be a problem. Lol
We arrive at our destination and I get my first look at Lee. He's taller than I expect. (Don't know why.) As Honey said of Alec, he's a perfect gentleman. The guys meet and we go into the bar while we wait to be seated. 

Can I say it was like meeting old friends? It was normal and natural.  Little did I know at the time we'd spend the next 4 hours making memories that still have me giggling. 

We were seated at a large table and greeted by our waitress, Mona Lisa. Seriously, I'm not making this up! She took our drink orders and we let her know from the start we may be there a while. 
Conversation flowed easy and fun. We talked about anything and everything. We touched lightly on the DD lifestyle in hushed tones (well, not really hushed if you've ever heard Alec & Lee together).  Not seconds later, our new friend, Mona Lisa asks if she could sit in the corner with us. We all roared with laughter.  
The food was good though I couldn't tell you what I ate. As the evening progresses the lovely, Mona Lisa begins deferring to our hubbies on whether or not Honey & I are allowed to have more drinks. Are we that obvious? Lol. 

The evening continued as we shared stories and laughter and plans for next time. Yep, we'll be meeting again. I for one, am looking forward to it!! 

** Just want to add a note on meeting in real life. Honey, Lee, Alec and myself worked up to an in person meeting. It was a long and gradual process. We began in chat, added e-mails to a 'safe' e-mail address, progressed to phone calls and after a good while agreed that meeting in person was the right next step for us. While we both lead  DD lifestyles , over time, we discovered we had much more in common. Those are the things that will anchor our friendships. Having DD in common, well that's just a bonus. 

Sunday, September 15, 2013

He’s Home!!!!

          Friday the 13th, one of my favorite days and even more so today because as some of you know Lee will be home today! It started off wonderful, three of my favorite songs played in a row on the radio on my way to work. It was a start of a great day! Around lunch time I looked at Lee’s arrival time and he was actually due to land earlier than I had thought! Yay! I decided to track his flight, it said he had landed! I was so excited, he was going to be home much sooner than I would be from work. Well… that was not correct it seems in Japan his flight was delayed 2 hours and he ended up changing planes, he actually landed 3 hours later than I thought. I was a little well a lot mad about this. Then I got the text,  “I am exiting the plane”. I was so happy he was on his way, but so frustrated that I couldn’t talk with him much,  I had a commitment I had to keep.
          After a few drinks with my girlfriends I start to get a lil feisty texting Lee, I don’t know why I do that but just seems fun at the time. He came to pick me up and on the ride home he reminded me (I didn’t need reminding) that we had a package to open together. We went upstairs, he had placed the package on the bed and then we opened it. SURPRISE! A “rose” paddle!!! I gently ever so gently tossed it across the room. Now I have to admit I have been looking at these “implements” I have heard about and been very curious.
          As the night went on Lee reminded me of a few, just a few transgressions that I committed while he was away for 3 weeks. You know 3 weeks is a very long time to go without someone here to maybe help you stay on the correct path, I tend to veer off occasionally. My path is sometimes much more fun than Lee’s path. His can be somewhat just straight ahead nothing to stop and look at along the way, his path seems to get us exactly where we need to be. But sometimes I want to take my path my old worn out path, with lots of curves, sharp turns, and maybe a DANGER do not enter sign in the middle of the path. I know this path usually never resulted in positive results, I would get lost quite a bit on my path, but honestly I have no sense of direction. I just cant help it but sometimes I
automatically get back on that path, mostly out of old habit.
Well it was time as Lee likes to say, “time to pay the piper”. Ok, I am good with this I know I didn’t quite stay on the correct path we agreed on so here we go. It begins, I am trying very hard to be still, I am not very good at that as of yet, and then out of nowhere the “rose” paddle appears across my bottom!! OUCH! WHOA! You didn’t even tell me!!!!! OH! OW! I know he didn’t use it nearly as long as he does his hand, he says it was only about 12-15 times! I beg to differ. After he is finished, he grabs me up and holds me for a very long time. How in the world do I feel so close and loved by this man that just sp***** me with this terrible leather paddle? I have no idea, But all I know is that I really have never felt closer to him once again. The rest of the night and into the next morning was a reunion that was better than any in the movies.
Since we started this lifestyle, I have spoken with many different tih’s and several have told me leather is great, I “love” leather, etc.  Some use it for both play & punishment. I have been very curious about this. I even thought about ordering one for a gift for Lee, then I would think, NOPE don’t do it. I want him to make those choices, not me. I have tried very hard not to push him or tell him I am curious about a paddle or leather, etc. I just let him find his way in his time. I am so glad I have. I can honestly say I do not like leather or paddles or the “rose”. Now maybe because this was a first I might could grow to “love” it, I seriously doubt that.
It was nothing at all what I thought it would be, it is not soft, even if one side is smooth, it is just not what I consider soft. It is not flexible to me, I thought it would be more bendable, thinner, and softer.  I think it feels like what wood would feel like, very hard and not giving at all. I know I have never “felt’ wood and from what I hear I don’t want to.

It is so strange to me how I can have one thought in my mind but in reality it is so very different than what I imagined. I did think this lifestyle might help our marriage. I figured well we can at least try, we really were at a point we had nothing to lose. I never imagined it would transform our relationship beyond my expectations. I know he has always loved & respected me. I have always loved him. I have never in the 24 years I have been with this man ever loved him or respected him more than I do today. I don’t know if I have ever been more attracted to him (and he is old now) lol! I need him, I need his leadership, I need (some) rules. I know by me needing him in the ways that I do, it makes him feel complete.  So this also is much more than I imagined, funny how that happens.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Honey’s World

          I am so happy my Lee will be home in just a few days. It has been a very long three weeks for me. I have missed him so very much and just can’t wait to see him… or can I??
          I was so good the first week and a half while he was gone, I did really well with almost everything. Then something changed… I was just on my own for so long kinda started reminding me of how we used to live. The only difference was I missed him so terribly bad. I got just a lil bit grouchy, a lil bit mouthy, and kinda felt well he is not here so honey can do whatever she chooses. In Honey’s World I can stay up as late as I choose, smoke as much as I want, drink cokes all day long, eat paydays for dinner or eat no dinner, stay on chat for hours, and say whatever I want with no one around to tell me otherwise. It has been fun in honey’s world but it can also be a very lonely place.
          When I start feeling that loneliness, I start lashing out a lil bit just a lil bit. I might sent a text around 1 am than says I am BORED, he might respond with turn off electronics and light and go to sleep, I love you. I might send those cute lil pics of smileys that says something like this

        I might send an email that is just basically saying I need you here with me. Well not exactly in those words, but when I said “I am not emailing you anymore, I will see you when you get home”. I really meant “I can’t wait to hear your voice, I am so excited you will be home soon”.
          Lee sometimes misunderstand my emails and texts, he takes them way out of context. He then calls well actually facetimes me (I only declined it once), and is not very happy. He seems to have changed a lil during this trip, he is not smiling and I am doing everything in my power to get him to smile or laugh. It is not working, it always worked before.
          He wants me looking at the phone at him, he then tells me things will be so much different when he returns. Ummm I kinda liked them they way they were. He says “You are in so much trouble, you will never send me an email like that again, you will go by the new rules I have laid out for you, and we will be starting maintenance, reminder sp*******”. Gosh, I am not sure what he called it.  He then had the nerve to say “Honey’s World” will be changing very quickly. I kind of like “Honey’s World” the way it is. I am now having a bedtime during the week, o boy how will that work, I have certain things I have to do for my health now, weekly sit downs, less computer time, live within a budget, and there is more. He then tells me, “A package will be arriving from Leatherthorne do NOT open it, we will open it together”. We do NOT use implements, never have. We are still kinda, sorta, maybe somewhat “new”. I let him know I will be looking for it, and I certainly hope it doesn’t get lost in the mail, hehehe. He lets me know it has a tracking number, well then I hope it doesn’t get stolen off of our doorstep. You never know, people these days can do the craziest things.

          Seems “Honey’s World” might be changing and I might have a difficult time with these changes. But one thing is for certain I will be so happy for Lee to be returning back to “Honey’s World” whatever it may be. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

honey!!! Positive thoughts!

           I am going to try and think positive. I can do this, I know I can. I am strong always have been. I have really been blaming DD for my neediness and my anxiousness, and heck all the bad feelings I have been having since Lee is gone.
          I have said before I have never been needy. Now I am needy! I do not like the feeling at all. I used to get somewhat annoyed by needy women, actually I was someone they would talk with and I would try my very best to let them know, it is not good to be needy.
          Last night I couldn’t sleep, I just wanted Lee home to hold me, rub my legs, my neck, and back, to chat with, to hug, to kiss, to just be here with me. I sent him emails; I sent him texts until 3 a.m. I just couldn’t relax last night. The last email I sent him was so very raw for me, maybe I was just exhausted, I had just returned from a weekend away. I meant what I said but to really just come out and tell him was very out of the ordinary for me.
I just really miss you and now I am scared that I am loving you too much and our life. I know it is crazy sounding but I really am kind of scared I feel like I have given my whole heart to you. It scares me to death, I always kept myself somewhat protected and now I feel like there is nothing protecting me and my heart. My heart is so fragile, you really have no idea. I am terrified right now I can’t sleep. Then I feel like damn he is not going to want me being needy like this. Heck! I wouldn’t want me like this. I am so confused, scared, and just crazy. I know you love me. I know that without a doubt, I am just feeling needy AGAIN!
 I don't want you to be scared. I have to tell you that this is the ABSOLUTE best I have ever felt about us. You are NOT crazy!!!  You have finally relaxed, you are adjusting to me being the leader, the one you can lean on, to cry on my shoulder, to be held within my arms when you are scared or nervous. I do not consider this as needy. It makes me feel wonderful and EXTREMELY loved that you do need me. You are my girl. I love you more deeply today than I ever have. I can’t wait to see where our journey takes us. I NEVER have had a doubt about us. You are confused because you are letting go. I do not look at this as a sign of weakness. It is actually the takes much strength and courage to let yourself go. I Love You!
 I wish u were here to hold me, try and make me go to bed, heck sp*** me, something anything dang I need you!
I need you too and I know I need to be there. You do need to be spanked to bring you out of this little spiral

                 After thinking about this, struggling throughout the day to keep it together. I do have some positive thoughts. I am not needy, I am strong. I have grown so much, letting my walls down, allowing my feelings to show, the raw honesty, and just truly being me. Letting my Lee know how much I love & need him. By doing that I am sure he feels much more love. I might not be the best tih (and you can bet I never will be) but I am learning how to let my controlled self go and that is nothing short of a miracle.  I am pretty sure Lee would agree. 

Sunday, September 1, 2013

O Boy!! I Talk Too Much!!!

          This is a very private lifestyle for us, besides most that know us would never believe it anyway. Well… last night I kinda let the cat outta the bag. I came to visit and watch SEC football with my lil sis. We love SEC football, and our team the Georgia Bulldogs!!! She loves having me here to watch the games with her, most in her state are Roll Tide fans! My sis and I were out having a blast, the bartender has a “Roll Tide” shot so my sis suggested to her to make a “Bulldawg” shot. She did and we drank them, actually we had 4! I don’t drink shots, I hadn’t eaten all day, not a good combination.
          As the night moved on and cheering for our team (even though they lost L) we were having a blast, then something came up about so what are you and Lee up too? You seem so much happier. I had told her in July we were trying a different lifestyle that was working for us, but that is all I said. Well, after too many drinks, no food, and 4 shots, she kept asking. I told her I just can’t tell you, I have friends I talk to about this. She said you are talking to strangers but you can’t talk to me! I explained this is just too personal.
She kept on and on, in her cute lil pushy way, we are so much alike!! I just started talking a lil, saying well he is the leader of our home now. She doesn’t ever give up, she was asking so like what I know you are not swingers, BDSM? I just kept hem and hawing around finally I said, I think I like sp******, but not the bad kind!! She lol and said what is the bad kind? Then she was like he punishes you? She actually said I get it! She said I bet most of these women you speak to are like us strong women, maybe executives, high pressure jobs, leaders of some sort. I said not talking anymore! She let it go.

          This morning she was full of questions, she is my wild lil sis but I just had a hard time telling her, I knew she would never understand. We have both always been very strong, independent, don’t let any man ever tell us what to do women. I vaguely told her I have met some people in chat, showed her a couple of blogs just briefly and just left it at that. She wrote down the name of the blogs, then she saw my name (chat name). O my !!! What have I done????