Misconceptions....

I have something that is really bothering me, I know it shouldn’t be and I probably really shouldn’t care, but I do care. I have made some IRL friends in what I call my chat home, and some people I have not met as of yet that I consider friends.

A simple comment was made one day that stated in many blogs this person read she found that many people who begin this lifestyle are in unhappy marriages, saving a marriage, bad relationships, etc. and DD is repairing them, instead of improving an already good relationship. That could be true for the most part I really don’t know.

 For myself I have had the kind of husband most of my friends want or think they want. A husband who has tried to always please me by making me happy. A man that has always been true to his word, caring, respectful, successful, and a very affectionate loving husband and I am not even going to speak on the dad he is but that part is pretty awesome also. I hate to say DD has saved our marriage but I do believe it has.

Lee had no idea I was having the emotions or feelings I was having about our marriage. I don’t know if it was a mid life crisis, if I was bored, overwhelmed, or if I wanted a change. But I needed one, as I have said before in my blog and on chat we were just letting life get in the way of nurturing our marriage.

 I wanted to be the best mom I could be, volunteer, room mom, team mom, dance mom, cheer mom, vbs teacher, etc I could go on and on. I wanted to be a great friend, be involved in the community and at church, I wanted to set an example for our kids, I actually somehow became a mom before I was a wife before I realized it.  Lee was always providing for us, never missing the cheering, dancing, piano, softball, swimming, choir, soccer, track, etc. He was their cheerleader, coach, homework helper, project assistant, etc.  All the while neither of us realizing we were neglecting “us”.

 One day many many years later Lee was traveling again and I discovered I felt lonely, bored, just like something was missing. Not because he was really neglecting me but because we both became so involved in other things and when we were together we really were not alone much of the time.

I don’t mean to keep rambling I guess I just want to make it clear yes our marriage was in trouble but not because of lack of love, respect, affection for one another. It was because we I guess neglected “us” but not intentional. We weren’t busy partying, playing video games, going out with our friends without one another all the time. No matter what the reason we still neglected the nurturing a marriage needs.  We did have a good marriage before DD, but “good” wasn’t good enough for me and I am guessing the way Lee has taken to DD and says we will never go back to the old way “good” wasn’t good enough for him either. I guess I just wanted to say not all marriages that are/were in trouble were bad marriages, they like DD have their own special unique individual flavor and mine is not vanilla.

HOH Day!!!!!!!!!!!!

EsMay had a brilliant idea HOH Day! I couldn’t pass this up.

My Lee is just the Best HOH for me. From the beginning, the way he took me serious when introducing this to him. He knew it was very difficult for me to even mention to him. I wasn’t ever one to show a vulnerable side, I was always strong or at least pretended to be. He has always been one to never do things half way, whether that is his work ethic, his dedication to his friends and family, he always gives all of him. He took his time slowly and methodically he read what I sent but more importantly he researched on his own. That was monumental for me. He has embraced this lifestyle much easier and quicker than I thought. I actually wondered if he would even be very good at it. It is not how he was programmed, well maybe it was and I just didn't know it. He is pretty amazing at it. I have now been able to show him my vulnerable side and we are working on me slowly taking those walls down that have been up so high most of my life. He didn't let me push him, rush this, he decided how we would proceed. Not a long list of rules just a few basic ones. I am so thankful that he has embraced this exactly how he has.
Another thing I am so thankful for is the feelings it has stirred up inside of me. When Lee is firm with me and sets boundaries, I sometimes pout, throw a lil fit, or just learn to accept it. The boundaries or rules are for my own good most of them have been discussed before they have become a hard rule. I love that he loves me enough to look out for my health and well being. He has always shown his love & affection for me and would suggest maybe you shouldn’t do … but this is different now, it’s more like I love you so much I am NOT going to allow you to…. I have to admit I love the feeling it gives me to feel his strength, power, and determination   when I try so hard in my own sweet lil way to change his mind. I think this is my man, my rock, my safe place. I am so very lucky to have this man who loves and accepts me for the feisty, spirited, and reactive woman I am. He wants me to be me, but knows when it is time to pull me back in. I love that he helps me to keep a lil calmer, to not be so reactive and to tame that temper I can sometimes have (It has improved so very much). He gives me a secure feeling that is just so much more than I can describe. I have never felt insecure in our marriage but I have felt lonely, disconnected, and indifferent. I have never doubted his love just now it is so obvious and felt no matter if we are apart or together. This change in our relationship with DD has made our relationship better than I even imagined. I now feel cherished, connected to the core, I know I and our marriage is his number one priority.

I am so thankful for so many things I cannot post them all, this post is probably already way too long. Another thing DD and my HOH has made me thankful for is the intimacy, passion, and yes the sex. When Lee says just sometimes the smallest thing to me, looks at me a certain way, or after I have been sp***** (yes, I know hard to believe what could I possibly do to get a sp******?) Something comes over me, I don’t know exactly what but I just want him all of him in ways I never did before. This lifestyle change for us has made us both feel like we are much younger than we are and certainly not been married as long as we have. We just sometimes cannot get enough of one another. I do get all tingly, hadn’t been tingly in a long time. I do have passion and desire that I thought had just disappeared for the most part. Well thankfully Lee and his role as HOH woke all of that up 10 fold, and I couldn’t be happier about that! I think he is pretty dang happy about it too! 
So for my HOH Lee… Happy HOH Day! I love you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart and so deep in my soul.