We are in a good place. NO! I take that back, we are in a
great place! It is not perfect but it is perfect for us right now. I think
tonight about all of the obstacles we have overcome. How much our love and
relationship has grown even though we have been together almost half of my
life!
I knew DD could maybe possibly help us. I had no idea how
much though. It has surpassed all that I could possibly have imagined. Now I am
not saying that it is going to stay that way because as I have learned over the
last year and a half, it is ever changing. As we also change or grow. There are
ups and downs, highs and lows, but regardless we have learned to work together
through the lows and truly enjoy and embrace the highs.
This weekend was a milestone for us well it was for me
anyway. It wasn’t planned, rehearsed, even thought about. It was a beautiful
morning just a little too cold for me, while we were just beginning our day we
started talking. Now don’t get me wrong, we always talk, but this talk just
kinda took a life of its own. I am not sure how it even began. I have never had an issue saying what I feel
really well… until we started DD. I actually became embarrassed to discuss
certain things and pretty much have been that way since the start. If I had a
difficult time expressing my feelings about something, when I had the courage,
I would email Lee. I did so much better in emails. One thing about my emails I
do not edit or proofread them, I type what is exactly in my head at the moment
and go with it. It is one of the few times I try not to overthink. Lee says I
overthink things. I do not try to make it sound good or bad. I just tell it
like it is, the way I feel. Mostly it has nothing to do with Lee, it is just my
feelings about what might be going on at the time.
This problem I have of not being able to actually talk to him
about something that might seem embarrassing or taboo has made some talk
difficult. I know, I know, how in the world can anything be taboo, my gosh
woman the man sp**** you! Well some things just are.
We both just seemed to open up and say what we felt. We just
started talking it wasn’t scheduled, planned, or even something I had planned
to bring up. It just happened. We both talked about how we have grown, how
things have changed, and some things we both want to explore further. We both
spoke of thoughts and desires we have, most of them most private. Lee was
receptive to mine as well as me being receptive to his. It was actually a lil
funny how so many things we both desire neither really told the other. Yes
there were some things he had told me or spoken about in the past, but usually
when something came up that I was a little uncomfortable or embarrassed by would
be hard to discuss, I would get quiet so some of the time we would end up just skimming the
topic. Remember I was Vanilla! This time I was totally comfortable with what we
were discussing. Of course he has always
seemed more comfortable than I on certain subjects, but this time I was good
with it.
After our two hour talk, I came away feeling so blessed, to
have a husband that truly can listen that considers my thoughts &
feelings. A man that doesn’t think he
knows all the answers, and doesn't pretend to, one that believes there is always more to learn, and will research or chat to learn more, one that realizes we change over time so adjustments might need to be made, one
that doesn’t believe there is just one way to do things, knows there are many . He can
easily tell me how he feels, he doesn’t groan if I say can we talk. I do not
have to compete with the TV, laptop, or phone (I do know better not to suggest
we need to talk during an SEC football game). I am blessed to have a husband
who “gets me”. I am thankful that he is who he is. Now do not get me wrong he
is NOT Perfect! But he was awfully close this day. LOL! Again though, things
are ever changing.
I wanted to just write my feelings mostly today, because many
of my post can be not so great, not being on the same page, frustrations, inconsistency.
This is a Happy post, maybe the next one will be also, one never knows.
