I really am not sure quite how to start this
post other than to say I have noticed some changes in myself since starting DD.
The changes mostly have been good changes for our relationship, actually Great
is a better word. There is one change though that has me a little concerned. DD
& Drinking… do they go hand in hand for me anyway?
Let me back up, I am was a social
drinker. If we had friends over & everyone was drinking I might have a
drink or two many times not even finishing a glass of wine or whatever I
happened to have. If we go out to a bar/club it seems if I have to “pay” for it
I can and do drink much more especially if there is dancing and a band playing.
I love live music and I also love to dance. We do not or did not go out every
weekend the past many years but we do on occasion and on those occasions of
music playing and dancing your tail off until you are glistening I always drink
more.
Something changed since starting DD though.
Actually I know it started when I first brought DD to Lee. I started having a
glass of wine after work during the week. I personally rarely ever drank during
the week unless we or I was out with someone for dinner and might have a glass
of wine. I never drank at home during the week after work, I don’t see anything
wrong with it, I just didn’t. Lee has always had a beer or glass of wine at
night as long as I can remember, maybe not every night but most of them. I
never have thought anything about it because well my whole family drinks as do
most of my local friends and I believe most of them have a beer or glass of wine
sometime in the evening.
Well over time I have noticed~well hell I just know I am drinking
too much during the week. That one glass of wine can turn into three now has
been four and well that is just a bit much I am now thinking. I know it is. I
am not drunk. I am usually home around 6:00 and go to bed between 11:00 and
midnight. That is many hours, but still to be drinking that much every night
can get expensive. Unfortunately it is not the “Red wine that is so good for
you”. It is white or limearita’s. Heck two of those used to kick my butt.
Lee & I have talked recently about this. Why
do I feel the need to drink during the week now? I had a difficult time explaining
this to him, but I tried. Basically I said, I am not sure if I can live this
lifestyle without drinking. Yes I know, WHAT? Well, I feel more submissive and
I seem to let my walls down much easier when I have a glass or two in me. I can
talk more freely & open not feeling as embarrassed as I sometimes can. I am more Free and willing. I want this
lifestyle and I love some of the kinkier parts that have resulted from it too.
I just have a very difficult time explaining/opening up to him.
Lee is not a
hard man to talk to, these are my issues. He is very receptive and he does
listens, he actually has become very good at reading between the lines.
I have also talked to a few DD girlfriends
about this. Some do drink but rarely,
some have been in the same place I am in. One who always has a way with words
explained it to me like this. “Once you can 'talk to him', 'sober'
then he will know you have a trust in him, because you feel comfortable with him” She went on to say “Well I
think that (sadly) booze brings down our inhibitions like nothing else; however
the real freedom and vulnerability comes when we leave that 'easy road' behind,
and actually try on our own. See the wine exposes one's true self, but...BUT
that person IS in there the key and greatest growth is to get that person out
out of WILL not WINE” I just love how she says things much better than I do.
Lee and I have talked about this more in depth. I like the plan he came up with. He also let me know
Drinking & DD do not go hand in hand and won’t for us anyway. Mmmmm, I
wonder… how well this is going to work for me?
p.s. I do love the song Day Drinking!
