Thursday, August 27, 2015


     I really am not sure quite how to start this post other than to say I have noticed some changes in myself since starting DD. The changes mostly have been good changes for our relationship, actually Great is a better word. There is one change though that has me a little concerned. DD & Drinking… do they go hand in hand for me anyway?

     Let me back up, I am was a social drinker. If we had friends over & everyone was drinking I might have a drink or two many times not even finishing a glass of wine or whatever I happened to have. If we go out to a bar/club it seems if I have to “pay” for it I can and do drink much more especially if there is dancing and a band playing. I love live music and I also love to dance. We do not or did not go out every weekend the past many years but we do on occasion and on those occasions of music playing and dancing your tail off until you are glistening I always drink more.

     Something changed since starting DD though. Actually I know it started when I first brought DD to Lee. I started having a glass of wine after work during the week. I personally rarely ever drank during the week unless we or I was out with someone for dinner and might have a glass of wine. I never drank at home during the week after work, I don’t see anything wrong with it, I just didn’t. Lee has always had a beer or glass of wine at night as long as I can remember, maybe not every night but most of them. I never have thought anything about it because well my whole family drinks as do most of my local friends and I believe most of them have a beer or glass of wine sometime in the evening.

     Well over time I have noticed~well hell I just know I am drinking too much during the week. That one glass of wine can turn into three now has been four and well that is just a bit much I am now thinking. I know it is. I am not drunk. I am usually home around 6:00 and go to bed between 11:00 and midnight. That is many hours, but still to be drinking that much every night can get expensive. Unfortunately it is not the “Red wine that is so good for you”. It is white or limearita’s. Heck two of those used to kick my butt.

     Lee & I have talked recently about this. Why do I feel the need to drink during the week now? I had a difficult time explaining this to him, but I tried. Basically I said, I am not sure if I can live this lifestyle without drinking. Yes I know, WHAT? Well, I feel more submissive and I seem to let my walls down much easier when I have a glass or two in me. I can talk more freely & open not feeling as embarrassed as I sometimes can. I am more Free and willing. I want this lifestyle and I love some of the kinkier parts that have resulted from it too. I just have a very difficult time explaining/opening up to him.

      Lee is not a hard man to talk to, these are my issues. He is very receptive and he does listens, he actually has become very good at reading between the lines.

      I have also talked to a few DD girlfriends about this.  Some do drink but rarely, some have been in the same place I am in. One who always has a way with words explained it to me like this. “Once you can 'talk to him', 'sober' then he will know you have a trust in him, because you feel comfortable with him” She went on to say “Well I think that (sadly) booze brings down our inhibitions like nothing else; however the real freedom and vulnerability comes when we leave that 'easy road' behind, and actually try on our own. See the wine exposes one's true self, but...BUT that person IS in there the key and greatest growth is to get that person out out of WILL not WINE” I just love how she says things much better than I do.

     Lee and I have talked about this more in depth. I like the plan he came up with. He also let me know Drinking & DD do not go hand in hand and won’t for us anyway. Mmmmm, I wonder… how well this is going to work for me?  

p.s. I do love the song Day Drinking! 


  1. Yay YOU! Oh you should be so proud of yourself honey( and not just because you managed to put in a picture in your post). I think it is fantastic that you put a voice to your concerns. Not only that but you shared it with Lee!! AND....*AND* then you shared with others. Wow what a week! ( I think your new 'job' must be the reason....*wink* ).

    Off I go, smiling away!

    Loves ya!

  2. Only you my dear friend.... lol

    I have never heard that question posed before! And for as long as I've been around, "never" goes back hundreds of years :D

    You have a wonderful HoH there, he as usual is correct. DD & Drinking are not synonymous in any way.
    Nothing wrong with a glass of wine after a long day at work and your friend worded it all together very well.

    Your friend,
    ~ MrBB

    1. Well women do talk a LOT about things behind closed doors. I have actually heard of this many times before. And I certainly don't claim to have been around for a hundred years....So don't you worry Honey, it isn't "only you". You keep sharing what you need to. Like we have said to each other countless times before there are many more similarities than differences between personalities in this community, it is just that many people aren't as BRAVE as you are for laying it all out there to be vulnerable, and sadly in some cases judged.

  3. I like that when you have these little epiphany style moments in your life you share them so others can see YOU! You know I've never understood the whole "I need a drink" thing but I do care about you and I'm glad you can admit this to yourself. You are a strong brave woman and opening up to him and letting him see your flaws and allowing him to help you fix (though fix isn't the right word) them is an amazing step in the right direction. Be encouraged You have tons of support and love!!

  4. Willie, Thank you it has been a great week & the picture I think is Amazing :)
    MrBB Thanks mrBB. That actually surprises me that more women haven't spoken to you about this, I have certainly spoken to many that have the same issue or concern. Maybe some women are more comfortable talking with other women though, I know I am about certain aspects of my life & DD just depends on the topic, well and how much I trust the person is also a big factor.
    Erika Thank you, I appreciate it, I was afraid when posting now people will think she is an alcoholic or something, that isn't the case but I do feel much more relaxed & at ease when I do especially if a glass of submission is in order. LOL

  5. Hi Ashley, I have not read all of your posts yet, but I am with Willie that maybe the most important step is to open up and tell others. I'd say Lee is definitely right about DD and alcohol, and I like that your communication works so well with your own worries concerning drinking.



    1. Thank you Ni Na I love the fact that DD has enhanced our communication.

  6. Hi Ashley, well I am glad that I was sent your way. Great post. I am not sure if I have heard of your situation but I am sure that it exists. It is so hard to really talk to someone, even when you believe that you trust him with your life. The best thing that ever came from our DD relationship has been the growth in our trust and to communicate better. I have learned to trust Ty 98% of the time with my feelings. It has taken us a long time but the more we talked the better we got. I guess I should warn you, when something like a little drink or two becomes a concern, for some unknown reason, our HoH's seem to want make some kind a rule about it. I don't know what they are thinking (tongue in cheek here) Looking forward to reading more about your comings and goings. Thanks for being so open and honest, it really helps all of us because we learn from each other.

  7. Thank you Blondie, I have actually received several emails & a couple of texts regarding this post. I was surprised to say the least because I had not heard from a few folks in a very long time, they also stated the same as a lil more wine helped them open up a lil bit more. I know DD has helped me to become more transparent & to communicate my feelings better it was just easier when the wine was flowing. I know I don't have to have the wine but it sure could be a good excuse to let it all out & not be embarrassed about something I was thinking or feeling. Thank you for reading my post,and commenting.

  8. Maybe it is all about you feeling more comfortable to let the walls fall and the wine is just another way for you to feel comfortable doing that. I'll bet now that you are aware of it, you will start drinking less. It sounds like now that Lee is aware of it, you will drink less too. :-)