Refined honey???

         I was encouraged by my friend today to post on my blog. I have had so many emotions since last night that I am just not familiar with. Some of you know that Lee travels and has for the past 12-13 years. Started out as once in the spring, and once in the fall for around 3 weeks sometimes a little longer. I slowly got used to this, when our children were younger I was fine the first week, second week a little tired, and by the third week I was getting mad. It was hard getting them to their different functions many times and I needed a break. Lee has always been a very loving and involved dad so it made it more difficult when he was away. Then last year he traveled the most he ever had. He was gone over 100 days between October and June. I quit counting after 100! I had grown quite accustomed to his traveling as a matter of fact after our children were older it really didn't bother me at all. Like not at all.

          That now brings me to today. I couldn’t sleep last night last time I looked at the clock it was after 2:30 then of course I wake up before 7:00. I started to feel like the walls were coming in on me. I just want to get away from here.

Lee called and we talked for awhile before he was going to bed. He wanted to know an answer to one of the rules I am supposed to be following then he proceeded to tell me I was going to start having a bedtime. WHAT? You have got to be kidding! I let him know I didn’t like this idea and asked why? He said he doesn’t have to give me a reason but I will not be staying up until 2:00 a.m. during the week. That kind of made me mad but I know he is right.

          Later I have no idea why, but I just start crying I mean sobbing like a baby. Now this is not my normal character at all, I rarely cry and if I do I have it under control.  This was not the case today I could not stop. I wanted him here, I wanted him with me, I wanted him to take care of something he needs to take care of. I was mad at him for not being here, I was mostly mad at myself for crying like a baby. I was feeling “needy” I am not needy what is wrong with me????

          After talking with a friend she said some things to me that made me think. This is a “good” thing. She said many helpful things but these are a few that resonated with me, “honey, you finally dropped your guard, your - I can do it myself and don’t really need anyone mentality, you have realized your position you are a strong woman who needs her strong man, you feel lost and scared.”

          I feel better now and all my friends helped me get through a rough day that I had no idea I was capable of having. It has turned out to be a good day after all. Lee is what keeps me centered and accountable. I crave his control & dominance. I need him and most of all I love him.

I love my DD marriage and my DD community!

I love our DD choice… yes our choice that we decided together to incorporate in our marriage of almost 23 years. One of the BEST decisions we have made for us!

I no longer feel like I am in control of everything (I didn’t want to be). I also do not feel like I have to act like the “tough” girl and keep my emotions or worries buried anymore.  Lee has always been very loving, caring, and compassionate, but in my mind before we made this choice I felt deep within that I had to be able to handle anything with no one’s help. I never wanted to seem weak in any way whatsoever. I am not sure why I felt that was a sign of weakness, but I always chose to be one who could do it all on my own.

Since starting DD, as we are still “new”. We are closer I believe than we have ever been before, we are much more open and honest about our feelings, especially me.  I have a new respect for him as the leader in our home. We both go the extra step now to take time for one another, not to mention the intimacy level we now have, the stronger desire for one another even after almost 23 years. I feel closer to him than I believe I ever have.

The friends we have made in this community are absolutely amazing! I cherish them, I have learned so much from most of them. I have grown to care & love them; I look forward to chatting, texting, and speaking with them on the phone daily. We support one another, give advice, and sometimes we just listen, we are there for one another because we care.

 I have needed this, my whole life.  I am so blessed to know the man I married can be the man of the house that I personally need. We discuss most everything; he likes and wants my opinion. He also knows when I do not get an opinion (that would be when I have broken a rule that we agreed upon). I understand this… might not like it at the time but am so very thankful afterwards that he was “the man” and did whatever he saw fit to do. I am a very strong woman and I know it takes a very special strong man to keep me in check.

 I love my DD marriage and my DD community!

Not Spanking Brand New??

            It has been awhile since I have posted. There has been much going on with our new life together. And for the most part it has been wonderful. I had been visiting my family for several days before Lee came.

          When Lee arrived after I had, one of his first questions was “Honey, how are you doing on your smoking?”  Mmmmm… with my sweetest smile I replied, “pretty well”, a lie, he knew it was a lie. Well he has stepped into this new role of HOH with really no problem, he made it quite clear from his actions, I will start now taking him serious on this and it is not a game to him. I got it, I really got it.  I actually spoke with some of my wonderful chat friends, asking how do you make it stop burning and why does it still feel this way after so long? They offered solutions on how I could try and become more comfortable. I am so grateful for my friends.

 A few days later I thought I am going to play the perfect little joke on my Lee. I was giving Lee the best massage (we both love massages). I was using lotion on his arms and back, as he was lying there so relaxed. I had a “special” cream I had purchased, I slowly and quietly started massaging this cream on his backside, well he didn’t say anything, so I applied more, same thing didn’t say anything, so again I applied a lot! Well then he said what kind of lotion is that? I couldn’t contain myself I busted out laughing! Replying in my most innocent voice, “maybe you are having an allergic reaction to it”. He said, “Great little trick Honey” and seemed okay at first. I ended up getting it on my face, had difficulty putting contacts in the next day, even though I washed my hands at least 10 times. Well I will just say he was very, very uncomfortable the rest of the night even into the next day. He didn’t think it was a cute lil joke anymore. Uh Oh!

After leaving my family’s we headed to our favorite place the beach! Just the two of us, first time in so many years we have had a week together alone. This week has been so wonderful; we have grown so much together. I am learning to open up more by starting our sit down discussions.

I have to admit I can be a little sassy well sometimes a lot sassy, Lee decided one night he had enough. Uh Oh!

Well we have neighbors right next door to us they are in a tent. Yes we are in a nice trailorminium (lol), but face it the walls are thin. I begged I pleaded please, please don’t, they will hear I know they can hear. He didn’t seem to care well actually it was quite obvious he didn’t care who heard. I said, “I didn’t mean it, I was teasing, I am still learning, I am new to this!” He let me know real quickly, “Honey you are not brand sp****** new anymore!” Afterwards he held me, he applied the “good” lotion and said, “Yes Honey we are new to this lifestyle but you are not new to sp****** anymore.”

I have not been able to look in the direction of our tent neighbors since that night, I am so glad they left today. Now I just need to stay out of trouble a couple of more days, so the new neighbors don’t hear anything.

I have to admit it, I was pretty impressed afterwards that he didn’t care who heard and just did what he thought was right, I had no control and could not sway, bribe, or manipulate him at all. How or Why in the world did I ever doubt my Lee could be my HOH?? Wow, we have come a long way.

Sorry such a long post, I just had so much to say.