Today was very busy and got off to a terrible start. I was almost late for work because I couldn’t get Lee’s dog in the car to take to the vet, finally he got in. Then things just kept getting worse, traffic, phone never stopped ringing at work, went over my count, knowing Lee is leaving for 3 more weeks in a few days, etc. I could go on and on.
I am grouchy I am stressed (when things don’t run smoothly I get a lil outta sorts). How in the world do I think or know a sp****** might help relieve some of this pressure I feel? How come he doesn’t see that I need one? Must I tell him? I don’t want to tell him, I want him to know. I know I have heard it a million times they are not mind readers, but can’t you feel my stress by the way I am acting, I am polite but quiet, I have short answers, not to be rude, I just don’t feel like talking. I am kinda just by myself, sometimes I need that time and sometimes I need him to know I need him. Why is it so hard for me to tell him?
I don’t seem to have a difficult time telling him anything else whether he wants to hear it or not. I am not good at keeping anything bottled up for very long, and if I do well eventually I just explode.
Last night we had a conversation, he said to me, “honey, I can read you like a book”. He gave me many examples of how well he does read me. But tonight he didn’t read so well! I know he is busy getting ready for his trip, I know he has much on his mind. I am trying to be understanding and patient, I don’t even think he realizes how much my patience has improved in the last seven months. Well, maybe he has, if I were him I would have noticed!
I love how this lifestyle has brought us closer together, we talk more, we listen more, we are much more affectionate, we both feel closer than we ever have before. I just wish I didn’t have such a hard time expressing this sp****** part to him. I have grown so much over the last several months maybe as time goes by I will get more comfortable and be able to ask, or maybe just maybe… he will just know!!!! Yep, that’s what I am hoping for, I want him to just know!