Monday, August 26, 2013

Anxiety!! Really? Me?

          Me rambling again! Lee is gone I am home, feeling kinda lonely and just all twisted up inside. I have always been a very independent person actually my whole life. It has never bothered me much when Lee traveled, at first of course it did some, but then I just became used to it. Didn’t really think twice about it when he was gone, he has always been able to work his schedule around anything that might be important for him to attend, and there has really been nothing I couldn’t handle. So why this feeling of anxiety? I had it the last time he left but only a day or two.
          The day he left it started, just a lil bitty uneasy feeling inside creeping up but then I could shoot it back down, Saturday morning it started again… so I decided a little retail therapy might do the trick, it was a success. Sunday was a great day stayed busy all day (down time is not good for me). This morning started off great and then a few hours ago that feeling started inching its way out again!!! I don’t like it at all!
          I feel very needy, emotional, lost, and lonely. I feel my heart racing, I can feel this weight on my chest, I feel like I just want to run or scream. It doesn't make sense. I talk to him twice a day even text some, and sometimes might see him in chat. This just needs to stop, like now already! I cannot become this kind of person.
          A dear friend reminded me that at my age (I am no spring chicken) even though most days I feel much younger than I am, that my body is going through so many changes right now. I am really hoping that this is what is causing the anxiousness I am feeling because I don’t want the cause to be Lee traveling. That makes me seem just too dang needy.
          I do miss him terribly and I hate arriving home to an empty home, I used to love that alone time so much, I actually cherished it when I had it. Now it seems I just want to be with him, I don’t need my alone time like I used to.

          Is this a good thing? I want to be with my husband, I want him here to hold me, hug me, kiss me, talk with me, and yes if I deserve it even sp*** me! Is this a bad thing, have I become some needy, emotional, crazy? I am not sure yet good or bad, but I am sure glad I miss him, and I know he misses me too!!!


  1. Hang in there, it is hard when the person you love and rely on to help keep everything together is away. You just have to stay calm and look at the bright side, he will be back. And as dorky as it sounds, perhaps take up a hobby? When my hubby used to work super late hours I started scrapbooking and a book club (ok it was really more of wine nad snack and gossip club but there was a book involved haha)to occupy my time and dull the ache, by keeping super busy it helped with my anxiety also.

    ~ Tasha

  2. Hi honey,

    I think Tasha's advice is good. A friend of mine who generally isn't away from her husband for more than a few days at a time and hates even that, had a kind of mini crisis after he had to go away on a business trip lasting several months. I won't give the details here because I don't have her permission, but the crisis and what happened as a result turned out to be a good thing in the long term. After it happened, she decided to take up a couple of hobbies at evening classes and this gave her a new support network of friends who occupied some of her time and thoughts.

    Another thing that helped was that she and her husband worked out ways to stay more connected while apart. They talked each evening on Skype (with video) and they worked out a loose schedule (nothing heavy, demanding, or too detailed), for which she was accountable. This had the effect of making her feel a sense of purpose and achievement every day. It might not be the right thing for you, but you never know.......


  3. Aw, both comments above have great advice. I couldn't do it, so you're strong for being able to. Hang in there, and know he misses you just like you're missing him!

  4. I feel for you honey as I also don't know how you do it , you are stronger than you realize or give yourself credit for. Hang in there and he will be home soon :)

  5. I don't think you have become a needy and emotional crazy person. I don't know you, but from what you said about not feeling this way in the past, it seems this is further evidence of how much your relationship has changed. You can't really miss someone when you're not emotionally connected to them. I actually think it's a great sign even though I have no doubt that it sucks to deal with it in the moment.