Saturday, June 21, 2014

Rambling Thoughts & Feelings

     It has been a busy three weeks with Lee away, and then some days not so busy. I am feeling a little off this trip, not upset, mad, or sad, just off. I did so well the first week emailing him, filling in that spreadsheet, but the second week things were a little hectic around here, I also went out of town so I didn’t email him the spreadsheet. Then by this week I guess just out of the habit or just because I am feeling off I didn’t email it either. I have emailed him, we have talked I have told him my counts or my best estimate anyway. Just feeling a little off.
     Lee has let me know how disappointed he is and also I will be “dealt with” when he returns. I didn’t mean to disappoint him that was not deliberate. I am in my own little space right now and besides he is so far away. It is sometimes hard for me to feel his strength long distance and when he is gone for a period of time like this. Nothing he has done or not done, just me I think. I don’t like the feeling; it reminds me of the way it used to be a very long time ago. It is like I am in my own space (not honey’s world) just by myself, not really wanting to meet up with friends; I still do, just not really wanting to. It is that feeling like I am only accountable to me; well I am the only one here right now. I am one that does enjoy my alone time, it is important to me. I know I am rambling but sometimes writing out these crazy feelings of mine really helps.
     I am not even sure if I am a tih, I am so not submissive, well sometimes I am but not often. I do like that when he is home anyway; he is the leader, the HOH, the boss, the man! I love when he is home and hate when he is not. That says so much to me when it used to not phase me when he was gone.
     Wait… I think I am starting to feel better!
 I cannot be the perfect tih as hard as I may try, just impossible for me, and besides he would be bored with such a perfect tih, that is not what I strive for anyway. I do like to keep things fun, exciting, and maybe a little challenging. Everyone likes a good challenge. I don’t know how I will be “dealt with”. I have explained to him when he arrives home we will not be alone at all; we will be taking care of our daughter who is having surgery on Monday that will keep us very busy. Then we will be meeting some friends that I am just dying to see. I can hardly wait I am so excited about this trip.
     So as far as being “dealt with” that will have to be put on the back burner for awhile, as there is just no time and no privacy. Or maybe, just maybe… I will get a reprieve as I am sure he misses me so very much, and when I begin to work my “magic” he is sure to forget & forgive. 

8 comments:

  1. Sweet post! The perfect TIH sounds like a dud. Your husband wouldn't like her at all. Have fun when he gets home and enjoy meeting your friends! That sounds like so much fun.

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    1. Thanks Leah you are right how boring would that be for Lee & me! I am so excited about this trip, I don't know if I can wait until Thursday!!!!!

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  2. Your feelings while he is gone may simply be mild depression. I didn't figure out that that is what I was experiencing every time I had to leave my husband until that phase of life was over. Taking action and staying engaged with him in little ways every day is key to beating that.

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    1. We have not stayed as engaged this trip, we did the first week but then "life" gets in the way and then things just kind of took a backseat. I did do so much better when we did chat/text/facetime more. I will need to remember that for the next trip because there will always be a next trip.

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  3. Honey, I get like you are WITH my husband home . He is here and yet he is not at times. The same feelings run through me- especially the not wanting to meet up with friends. Yet when I do I have a fantastic time, it is just ....meh.

    I detest the word Submissive not because I think there is anything wrong with it, but because people seem to think there is only ONE way to be. That there is some Magical position that fits all and none of us will ever be that...or rather feel we are that. I am sorry if you have 'read' me say this before but what fun is the position of Lion tamer in a circus if you are relegated to the dancing poodles? Your husband didn't marry someone who you 'think' a submissive is. Your submissive state and mine ( bwahahaa sorry ahem) are completely different. And so? I know this isn't the point to your post but I still wanted to say that.

    I too do what you are doing, think about how the future will play out. How we won't have time together...what that will mean. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm not, but the future isn't set in stone....so try to put that out of your head ( then tell me how to achieve that).

    I hope your daughter's surgery goes off without a hitch. I am so jealous about your trip. I miss my Dd sisters very much and need a 'hit'. The sad thing for me, I'm not sure how long it will be before we can get together again...there I go scaring away the future again.

    Enjoy your reunion with your husband...and soon your friends!!!
    willie

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    1. Thank you! Your comment makes me not feel as crazy as I sometimes do. You are also right Lee didn't marry a poodle more of a cross between a lab/pitbull! LOL! You are also right about the future one really never knows do they exactly what each day is going to bring. Just learn to embrace and enjoy what you have. You can come meet us anytime, it would be so much fun!!!!!!

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  4. Lol, don't think being away with certain friends saved you from being dealt with. ;) You guys are the best, I'm so blessed to have you as a friend. :)

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    1. I am so blessed to have you in my life sweet Kenz! You are correct I believe there were a few being "dealt" with that amazing weekend!!!!! Synchronized LOL!!!!! I miss you sweetie!

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