Ain’t No Other Man!

     OMGosh! I have so much to say. As usual, I will be all over the map. Lee & I went on vacation ~ the same vacation we have taken every summer since starting DD. We stayed in a nice trailorminium for 12 days at a gorgeous campground on the beach. It has become one of my favorite getaways that we do each year. I think why I it like so much is, the fact it is just the two of us, spending quality time together.

     We spend most of our time laying & walking on the beach. This time I didn’t go in the water as much, the huge sea rays kind of ruined it for me. While we are there, we go out and eat~fresh seafood which is a must. We also rode bikes, listened to music, met some people from different parts of the country, and (one of my favorite things to do) go listen to live music & dance. The best part, it is just us doing things we enjoy together. I honestly think this getaway is something Lee does for me. He loves the beach as much as I do, but I am sure he would like to play a lil more golf or fish.  He did play golf and we did hang out with some family & friends a couple of the days, I mean we have to watch SEC football and who better to watch with than rival fans? LOL!

     During this trip my sister was having a Party (White Party), you never want to miss a Party in our family. We can really throw a Party. The night before Lee & I went out dancing needless to say I had a blast but also a bit too much to drink. The next day I don’t think I even started moving until noon, I certainly didn’t want to attend a Party, but I knew I had to be there. Driving there I said, “Let’s not stay too long, she won’t miss us, really there will be many people there. Lee just said, “We will see”.

     When we arrive, I notice there were cars all up and down the street. I got out of the car and my sister opened her front door (I have never walked through the front door). She had black on cute little number~ but it’s black. I said, “You have black on!” She said, “You want to know why?” at that point, Lee steps up takes my hand and said “I have been planning this with your sister for a year” I can’t remember all he said, what did register was “We are renewing our vows” as my sister handed me the most beautiful bouquet. I was shocked stunned speechless (rarely happens) My sister then walks out the back door. Lee kissed me and said, “I love you” took my hand and we walked out the side door. The first thing I saw was a beautiful table with flowers and a picture of our wedding. Next to that table was my wedding dress on a mannequin. WOW!

     Lee led me out to the backyard, the tears were just streaming down my face and I couldn’t make them stop. There was a band playing music as we walk as well. It was beautiful I honestly did not really see anyone standing it was all such a blur. We walked up to a beautiful arch decorated with flowers. There stood a pastor (do we even know a pastor anymore). It was incredible. After we were almost done renewing our vows, the pastor asked us to remove our wedding rings. I am a lil confused but then OMGosh Lee pulled a box out of his pocket. I didn’t mean for it to come out so loudly but “You got me a NEW ring???”  came flying out at top volume. YES he did and damn is it beautiful! After we kissed, I turn around to see my family & friends.

     We drank, we danced, and we have a beautiful “renewal” cake. There were toasts, and presents as well. It was just like a real wedding and he did this for me… for us. I know there is no way he could have done this without all of the help of my lil sister. I am the luckiest woman in the world.

     I cannot express how much this meant to me. I just can’t find the words. All of the work, planning, the love, that went into this beautiful ceremony. To be able to keep me in the total dark that is a feat in itself. I am never surprised, I always figure things out, well not this time. I love this man of mine so much. I love that he is who he is. I love that he shows me what I mean to him. I love he is not afraid to show his Romantic side and sensitive side. I love that he is mine and I am so grateful ~ even if he does sp*** my a$$ every now and then. LOL!

     I just want to sing that song “Ain’t No Other Man”

DAY DRINKING!

     I really am not sure quite how to start this post other than to say I have noticed some changes in myself since starting DD. The changes mostly have been good changes for our relationship, actually Great is a better word. There is one change though that has me a little concerned. DD & Drinking… do they go hand in hand for me anyway?

     Let me back up, I am was a social drinker. If we had friends over & everyone was drinking I might have a drink or two many times not even finishing a glass of wine or whatever I happened to have. If we go out to a bar/club it seems if I have to “pay” for it I can and do drink much more especially if there is dancing and a band playing. I love live music and I also love to dance. We do not or did not go out every weekend the past many years but we do on occasion and on those occasions of music playing and dancing your tail off until you are glistening I always drink more.

     Something changed since starting DD though. Actually I know it started when I first brought DD to Lee. I started having a glass of wine after work during the week. I personally rarely ever drank during the week unless we or I was out with someone for dinner and might have a glass of wine. I never drank at home during the week after work, I don’t see anything wrong with it, I just didn’t. Lee has always had a beer or glass of wine at night as long as I can remember, maybe not every night but most of them. I never have thought anything about it because well my whole family drinks as do most of my local friends and I believe most of them have a beer or glass of wine sometime in the evening.

     Well over time I have noticed~well hell I just know I am drinking too much during the week. That one glass of wine can turn into three now has been four and well that is just a bit much I am now thinking. I know it is. I am not drunk. I am usually home around 6:00 and go to bed between 11:00 and midnight. That is many hours, but still to be drinking that much every night can get expensive. Unfortunately it is not the “Red wine that is so good for you”. It is white or limearita’s. Heck two of those used to kick my butt.

     Lee & I have talked recently about this. Why do I feel the need to drink during the week now? I had a difficult time explaining this to him, but I tried. Basically I said, I am not sure if I can live this lifestyle without drinking. Yes I know, WHAT? Well, I feel more submissive and I seem to let my walls down much easier when I have a glass or two in me. I can talk more freely & open not feeling as embarrassed as I sometimes can. I am more Free and willing. I want this lifestyle and I love some of the kinkier parts that have resulted from it too. I just have a very difficult time explaining/opening up to him.

      Lee is not a hard man to talk to, these are my issues. He is very receptive and he does listens, he actually has become very good at reading between the lines.

      I have also talked to a few DD girlfriends about this.  Some do drink but rarely, some have been in the same place I am in. One who always has a way with words explained it to me like this. “Once you can 'talk to him', 'sober' then he will know you have a trust in him, because you feel comfortable with him” She went on to say “Well I think that (sadly) booze brings down our inhibitions like nothing else; however the real freedom and vulnerability comes when we leave that 'easy road' behind, and actually try on our own. See the wine exposes one's true self, but...BUT that person IS in there the key and greatest growth is to get that person out out of WILL not WINE” I just love how she says things much better than I do.

     Lee and I have talked about this more in depth. I like the plan he came up with. He also let me know Drinking & DD do not go hand in hand and won’t for us anyway. Mmmmm, I wonder… how well this is going to work for me?  

p.s. I do love the song Day Drinking! 

Repeat!

     I feel like we are at the end of a journey tonight. I know much has to do with him being away for so long and before he left there were many reasons we were not our “normal” selves. Sometimes I believe you get to a point to where you think… Is this ever going to work for more than a few months. It is on it is off and then repeat. I tonight am finished repeating. I am not mad or upset just accepting of the fact. That is scary in itself, for me when I just accept something even something I do not like, I am usually not very silent about it, when I do become silent that pretty much means well I am just done.

      I do not know what the future holds. I do not know how this will play out. I do know this lifestyle brought us much closer together, improved the intimacy, and the passion I felt I had not felt in a very long time. I won’t say those things are gone they are just in a secret hiding place that I can’t seem to find.

     It makes me wonder for those that have tried without success to get their partner on board. Is it harder to start stop and repeat? Maybe it is harder to never start when it is something you truly desire, want or even need. I have always felt so bad for those that can’t seem to make their partner understand how important this is to them. I also feel bad for the ones that had a relationship only to have it not work out and have to start over.

     There are so many positives about this relationship, but I certainly believe if not done correctly there are just as many negatives. 

Squirrely

     I am sure I will be all over the map with my post today. It has been quite busy the last couple of months. I did have a Birthday it was a BIG birthday 50 is the new 40 30 Right? I certainly do not feel my age, according to oldest child (23) “Mom, I don’t know why 50 is bothering you, you certainly do not act 50 heck I act more mature than you”. I wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. I did have a great birthday spent with my wonderful husband and three other DD couples, we met at my very favorite restaurant. I love these people they are my friends. I appreciate they may drive anywhere from two to three hours just to celebrate with me. I also appreciated all the wine I received, a girl can never have too much wine! It is always so great to see them, I wish we lived closer so I could see them more often. I also received a wonderful Perfect birthday present from a friend who knows me very well all beachy stuff that I will certainly use as much as I possibly can this summer!

      Lee will be leaving for work again soon another one of those three week trips. I am hoping I keep it together by keeping myself busy while he is gone. I usually do fine during the week it is the weekends that get to me. I have friends that before DD I spent a lot more time with, but it seems that now I would much rather just spend time with Lee or honestly chat or phone with my DD friends. I just seem to have more in common with them and they do make me laugh! My neighbor friends they seem to not be as happy as my DD friends and honestly they just complain a bit too much for me. Wonder Why?

     I do love going to my lil chat place probably way too much, I used to be much more organized around my house and I just know I spend way too much time in there. I enjoy it though, I enjoy the people, especially the ones I have become friends with, whether we meet, talk on the phone, or text I still enjoy chatting in the room. It is nice to meet new people especially ones that remind me of me when we first began this lifestyle. I have found some to be so similar in what they are looking for to help their relationship. I have also realized some feel like their way is the only way, so WRONG! We believe, Lee & I like most do that you make it your own and what works for you. You might call it something totally different than someone else but really does it matter? I have found some are not at all like I thought they were which has been a lil disappointing to me. Seems for some this lifestyle is very specific in how things should be done or not be done. I believe I can learn much from others and their experiences. I might not agree that it would be best for my relationship but I still respect the fact that it is best for theirs. I have never done well doing things the way someone else does especially if the reason is… that is just the way we have always done it or because others think their way is the only way. I believe for Lee & I we do it our way and make it ours. I know that when I entered the chat place the first time I first was scared to death I had no idea who I was chatting with but they did make me feel very safe & comfortable. Secondly I had researched and read so much about DD it was very helpful to actually talk to others that lived this lifestyle I was so curious about. I of course knew they didn’t have all the answers but sometimes it just feels nice to speak to someone openly that has a clue on how you are feeling. I loved the fact that it seemed the people did not pass judgement nor push their beliefs on you.

     Fifty Shades of Grey the movie is out, I have had several of my friends and family ask if I have seen it, I have not. I know many did not like the book but I was one that did. I will see it, I would rather rent it just because I have a hard time sitting still for very long. I have heard mixed reviews but for the most part the friends or family I know seemed to all like it, I never like a movie as much as a book I have read but I will see it eventually.

     My reading selections have changed the past several months. I have been reading a lil more often and all sorts of books. I did read a book recently “Disciplined Desired” by Lisa Simons. I enjoyed the book, the wife in the book believes DD could possibly help her marriage and she discovers a “Chat” room, well you will have to read the book, I shouldn’t spoil it for you. The author is actually someone who comes into the chat I frequent way too much! You might enjoy reading it, I did.

Lee and I have been in a pretty good place lately. There are times that we both could do better but as I always say I am kinda sorta somewhat NEW still!!!! I told you this post was going to be all over the place! I was right just me and my thoughts. This one also just popped in my head. I have met people through chat from just curious or beginning, to living this lifestyle for over twenty years I have also met those that live a TPE relationship. What do we all seem to have in common we just want to have the BEST relationship possible such a nice thing to have in common.

I told you this post was going to be all over the place, today I am like that squirrel that runs in the road!

Basic Training!!!

    I had never researched it, never even thought about it honestly. I had heard about it, I had read a blog or two about it. Just mostly never thought it would pertain to us. BOOT CAMP just sounded a little harsh.

Holiday time can be so busy. We are already busy people then add the holiday season with all that goes on and well we had not been as focused on our relationship as we both like to be. DD was there, but with so much company, Angel being home most of the time, shopping, cooking, and traveling we just had very little time for US. To top it off another not scheduled trip (only 18 days) across the country for Lee. UGH!

     I received an email from Lee this one kinda shocked me.

  “I want you to always have that feeling that I am watching you, I want you to feel that whether we are together or apart that you know I am there to lead and take care of you as well as respect my direction, expectations and knowing  that I will hold you just as accountable as I do of myself.  I will not let things slide as I have these past two months whether you think your good or not.  I want more dominance out of me as I know this will lead to what I want more out of you being more submissive.

Here is what I want more from each of us.  I know you do not want to hear this, but I want to do a mini boot camp.  I know this will help reset and instill in us our roles.  In reading about this again there are areas that will benefit both of us to achieve the levels I want from each other.  I know you don't and will put up a fuss, but I am not going to waiver on this too much.   I will consider baby steps here and we can discuss, but I will make the final decision that is best for both of us.   The us part is the dominance and submissiveness I am looking for.”

     He is correct I did put up a lil fuss. I have to admit though the more he explained it, what he believed would benefit the two of us the more I was curious. We exchanged a few emails about it, spoke a lil on the phone about it, he decided we would start when he returned. Lee returned late that night after a 20+ hour flight I knew he would have jet lag, much to my surprise he was very much alert & awake.

     We discussed, I mostly listened, I truly did! One thing that truly amazes me about my husband is he has his own way about things. He did read/research about “boot camp”, he decided what he would implement in our life to help get us both back on track and where he/we would like to be. I love the fact that he admits he is not perfect and I love the fact that he holds himself also accountable when we let this part of our lifestyle take a backseat.

     This “boot camp” I truly think should be called “basic training” it for us is to help as he said to instill in us our roles (reaffirm) which both however different, are both just as important to one another. 

     It has only been a few days, and I must say the man (drill Sergeant) is really taking his role seriously. He isn’t really barking out orders to me that is not his way. Well he is having me do a few things that I am not at all accustomed to. If I falter there is a consequence, Lee says boot camp (“mini” mind you is what he said in his email) will last 21 days. Something about making a habit & breaking a habit, whatever!

     Our boot camp/basic training is ours; it is about the things we both need to work on for the benefit of our relationship. Some things I am now required to do are things some of my friends have never had an issue with but might be more difficult for me. These can really be very basic tasks or requirements. Some requirements are to let me know he is the one in charge not me. Some might even be for his benefit only.

     I have spoken with some of my friends about this; we actually had a tih chat conversation about it. We spoke about intensity how it isn’t just about punishment & sp******, the intensity is also about the feeling of HOH being on all the time and you submitting to the requests that are made even if in your prideful head you are thinking… Are you serious, or just crazy? I believe the goal might be to not think that. lol Some have had boot camp; some of those believe a longer one would be much more beneficial.

      After the conversation, it seemed to me many tih’s would like a “boot camp” their “OWN” boot camp. Maybe to reaffirm their roles, work on consistency, to know their HOH is truly vested & paying attention, to even receive that attention, for their HOH to become more confident in their role and not feel guilty possibly about “hurting” the one they love, maybe for a couple who has practiced for awhile a way to “jumpstart” if maybe there has been a lull, showing your vulnerability, losing some of the bad habits formed over the years, to stop over thinking or analyzing, the closeness felt, and for some it is just simple when they are showing their dominance we just MELT and truly become submissive and it feels amazing. 

     I realized also that many, whether submissive naturally or just bold really want the same thing to know their HOH is the one in charge, true to their word (we hate empty threats). One of my friends said it best she is submissive to her HOH 90% of the time but that last 10% is maybe PRIDE that the HOH has to break through to truly get that 100%, because for many 100% is the goal, whether we give it or they have to take it. Some of us want to know they are strong enough to break through and take it. It is not that we doubt their strength, but honestly some can manipulate, talk, or even seduce that strength right out of them.

     We all have our own things to work on and different things, habits to break, different ways to work on them, that is why it is so important to make things whether rules, consequences, boot camp, or DD your own.

     I am excited and apprehensive about this “Basic Training” only time will tell.