My Chat Family is the BEST

We have found the most wonderful place to chat with like minded people. This is not something I can just talk about with my friends or family, they would never understand. I am not even sure how I stumbled upon the chat room, and I really don’t know how I got the courage to chat on it. I had never chatted before heck I wasn’t even sure what a blog was! The people we have met and chatted with have all been so helpful and supportive to Lee and I. There are people that have been living this lifestyle for years, some practicing it for a little while, some just beginning, and some wanting to begin. Regardless of how long, married, single, same sex relationships all of the people I have chatted with have been nothing but just wonderful. A friend I chat with quite a bit suggested I post a chat Lee was having with a woman “G” who wanted to bring this lifestyle up to her husband but was apprehensive about it. I was out of town when they chatted but “my friends” emailed me the chat because they liked hearing his perspective and that he was opening up and trying to help “G”.

Lee: If I may, I would like to share our story ...

Lee: Honey is very strong willed. So am I, but chose to focus it on work 

Lee: there is no need to have two chiefs in the household. I chose to sit back, and be strong at work 

Lee: Honey at the time and I think for most households feel the mom is the control center 

Lee: for our children, we needed compromise 

Lee: it’s tough, you don’t want to mix messages. We try like all families 

Lee: unfortunately during this time you tend to grow apart focusing your lives around your children...all intentions well intended 

Lee: but, unfortunately you do not nurture your own relationship. You get married cuz she is the one! Oh my, she is my life. That is a whole different story 

Lee: then as usual time goes by in a flash and you lose touch with the very person you wanted to begin this life with and grow old with 

Lee: so, in my life I buried myself in my work. I have to admit and not afraid too, I am damn good at my job 

Lee: unfortunately and not intentional it required Honey to be the head of our family. I traveled and lived out of the country 3-4 months out of each year for the past 11 years! 

Lee: not necessarily great for a family other than financial.  I’m very successful, but lost sight of the true importance of our life 

Lee: Honey told me twelve hours later from a three week trip on Sept. 30^th that she was not happy and needed more, she wanted a separation. WOW, i was immune and did not see this coming as I became complacent and just expeced 

Lee: She did not share at that time what and how she felt 

Lee: It took another agonizing four more months and another trip to out of the country before she finally opened up to me n Feb of 2013. I at the time had just about given up 

Lee: she was driving back from a getaway which was regular at the time and hated coming home to a house that was empty! 

Lee: it was strong of her to share this and all I could do was cry and not let her know my weakness. I told her I wanted to talk and hear the truth when she got home. Had to hear it face to face 

Lee: we talked for hours. She told me all of the feelings, websites, etc and it floored me. 

Lee: Honey s my world and completes me in so many ways I owed her the respect in return. 

Lee: She sent me countless emails with hyper links, I read and reread 

Lee: researched as much as I could 

Lee: I ended up going on yet another out of the country trip for 3 more weeks in April and extended to four weeks while there. During that time, she continued to send Hyperlinks and I would print and read....re-reread 

Lee: We talked daily, about us, the forums, the chat rooms and how important it was to her 

Lee: I was compelled by her will and energy. She was my energy. My Life and my future. 

Lee: We are where we are because of her strength to share G 

Lee: I hope this resonates and helps u somehow. 

Lee: Okay all, I am done spilling my guts! 

Lee: G, What I did not share was that I thought all was lost and was destined to divorce

I am happy to say “G” has been talking to her husband about this change she would like to pursue in their marriage. Not because of what Lee said but because of something she feels deep inside. I do believe though the people in our chat family helped by giving her support and encouragement. I just LOVE my chat family!!

Found

Lee returned home we talked and talked some more, discussed rules, I have just a few basic ones that everyone should live by. Also one about quitting my very bad habit.

Then being the impatient one I am, I started pushing and testing… He shocked and surprised me. He took my hand and led me upstairs, I wanted to almost lol I didn’t know if I could take him serious. Thought this will be 5 lil swats maybe.  He never faltered even with me saying ok, ok, ok, please stop, I get it, I am sorry, we are new to this, etc. He remained calm and in control. I thought is he ever going to stop OMGosh, it lasted forever and it hurt. He actually made a comment I haven’t forgotten “you have had this coming for 23 years” and I knew it was so.

When he was finally finished he held me and he talked I listened, like I had never listened before.  I never felt so close to him and so surprised he just did this and seemed to have no problem with it at all. Mmmmm … maybe I didn’t know my husband quite as well as I thought I did.

Lee sent me an email

This has been a hard journey for both of us.  Mainly for you.  I admire your strength to bring this into our lives.  It took some patience on your side to let it settle in with me.  I read everything you sent, researched what I could on my cell phone while out of the country even watched some videos. That helped me understand how to spank you properly and get the most out of it.  I thought I would be very nervous on our first experience and to tell you the truth I was not.  

 I am not changing who I am, but am changing how I manage us and our family.  I let you take over many years ago and now I am proud to take over.  I know you are.  I won't let this be a roller coaster ride either. First we do it and then we don’t.  That is not healthy for us.  We need consistency in our marriage. It lacked this for many years and feel this is the problem in most marriages that get to where we were a few months back. 

As I have shared I have been thinking on the rules more.  These are reasonable and easy to live by.  I will write all of them down that we talked about and the others that have come to mind.  I want to make sure you understand and ask question on each one. 

I love you dearly.  I want to grow old with you and experience our grandchildren together.

I believe with all of my heart we have found one another again, I am so excited and nervous at the same time about our new life and journey together.

LOST

OK here goes... 

Hi, I am Honey and have been married to Lee for almost 23 years. Around a year ago something changed within me. I knew my marriage was good, Lee was always a great provider, great dad, and loved me. Many of my friends would tell me, "You are so lucky he is what most women want". What was wrong with me, I wasn't happy. I needed more and felt like I wanted to leave actually RUN away.

During our marriage Lee accepted a new job that had him traveling out of the country quite a bit and working long hours, he worked hard and I took care of our home and children at some point I became the decision maker, the bill payer, the disciplinarian. I felt like I wore the pants in our home. I was alone a lot and just began to handle everything. Lee was very different at work he was the Boss and acted like it.

I began researching mostly about myself and ran across Domestic Discipline.  OMGosh! I had never heard of such a thing. Well it totally had my attention; I became so intrigued and interested. I wanted to feel like I was not in total control; I wanted to be accountable for my actions (spending way too much money, smoking, and my hot little temper). Well I know there was no way Lee could ever be an "HOH" with me. He is such a kind respectful caring man. I was just too powerful. I asked Lee for a separation, he was shocked, he didn't see it coming at all. Lee and I "separated" but lived in the same home for 6 months. We were kind to one another and started talking mostly about how we neglected our marriage, got lazy, and let 'life" get in the way. I would be moving out in 3 months when school let out.

Then something happened on my 5 hour drive home from a trip I have no idea what really but I called him and said I would like to talk to you about our marriage. Then I cried and cried and cried. He said I needed to calm down and we would talk when I arrived home. I had no idea how to explain what I wanted, he asked me to talk to him. I told him I had been on the internet for months researching and reading about a different kind of marriage than ours. I couldn't talk about it, so I just sent emails to him with posts from websites and links to different sites. Some emails were 20-50 pages. I know I can overdo it sometimes. Kinda like this post. Well he would respond to my emails by saying this is interesting.

I just knew he was going to think I was crazy, me want this, I am strong willed, stubborn, and very sassy. We did not talk much about it. Lee left the country and had left me a letter stating I have read everything you have sent me and I have been researching on my own. WOW! Really? I would like to start this as soon as I return from my business trip; we will sit down and make rules and talk. He also said how he knew it had to be very difficult for me to open up and give him all of this information. It was extremely difficult for me. He said he was apprehensive about spanking because he did not want to hurt me. I knew he is not going to be able to be my HOH. I was so WRONG!