Me rambling again! Lee is gone I am home, feeling kinda lonely and just all twisted up inside. I have always been a very independent person actually my whole life. It has never bothered me much when Lee traveled, at first of course it did some, but then I just became used to it. Didn’t really think twice about it when he was gone, he has always been able to work his schedule around anything that might be important for him to attend, and there has really been nothing I couldn’t handle. So why this feeling of anxiety? I had it the last time he left but only a day or two.
The day he left it started, just a lil bitty uneasy feeling inside creeping up but then I could shoot it back down, Saturday morning it started again… so I decided a little retail therapy might do the trick, it was a success. Sunday was a great day stayed busy all day (down time is not good for me). This morning started off great and then a few hours ago that feeling started inching its way out again!!! I don’t like it at all!
I feel very needy, emotional, lost, and lonely. I feel my heart racing, I can feel this weight on my chest, I feel like I just want to run or scream. It doesn't make sense. I talk to him twice a day even text some, and sometimes might see him in chat. This just needs to stop, like now already! I cannot become this kind of person.
A dear friend reminded me that at my age (I am no spring chicken) even though most days I feel much younger than I am, that my body is going through so many changes right now. I am really hoping that this is what is causing the anxiousness I am feeling because I don’t want the cause to be Lee traveling. That makes me seem just too dang needy.
I do miss him terribly and I hate arriving home to an empty home, I used to love that alone time so much, I actually cherished it when I had it. Now it seems I just want to be with him, I don’t need my alone time like I used to.
Is this a good thing? I want to be with my husband, I want him here to hold me, hug me, kiss me, talk with me, and yes if I deserve it even sp*** me! Is this a bad thing, have I become some needy, emotional, crazy? I am not sure yet good or bad, but I am sure glad I miss him, and I know he misses me too!!!