Chronicle! Spreadsheet! Sp******!

          I started it, I know I did. I sent Lee an email basically saying I miss him, I hope he arrived safely, I loved him, and then something about we have been very busy and maybe this DD stuff is not good for us at this time. I know we are so much closer, I know it does take much work though. I told him about me feeling needy, anxious, and maybe even crazy, and not liking it at all.  I let him know when he is here and leading me I feel so much better. I said something about us not having regular sit downs in awhile. I let him know I was just rambling and needed to go to sleep. I know it was a dumb move. I really just typed it and hit send. I have a habit of just saying what is on my mind without really thinking about it first.

          He called and was very HOH’y and loving at the same time. He let me know he would help me get through this and would be sending me an email. I always look forward to his emails.

          I woke up this morning, went downstairs to read my email. WHAT??? Really? Is he serious? His email was... well here is part of it.

I am not surprised by your two notes.  I expected it as it shows to me you are submitting more and more to me which makes you feel more vulnerable and needy.  Personally, I love that you are giving more to me and it does tell me you trust me more so now than you ever have.  It makes me feel so wanted and needed.  But, I also want to remind you that you are STILL a very strong woman and one that I respect and love so much.  Just because I am not physically there does not mean I am not there.  I am with you in heart and soul and I know you know that. I am just a text, phone call or face time away. I hate that you second guess this and feel you are crazy.  I want you to be confident in this lifestyle as I am.  I believe you are, except when I travel.  I need to come up with a better plan for you during this time to help you. Not that you are needy of help at all…just guidance to make each day full.

            Then he said some really lovely things that I just loved. Then he had to kind of ruin it well kind of ruin it.

As for guidelines, yes, we did not discuss and that is my fault…so, here are some guidelines I want you to follow and accomplish while I am gone.

            He had some great fun things in mind for me to do, to keep me busy with friends and relax. Then he had to go and mess up the whole email with…

  I do expect you to work on your goals more and to keep a daily record to send to me.  Whatever you don’t accomplish will be tallied up into discipline of my choice when I get home.

 He had a list of things I have been working on and some I am supposed to be working on. Then he had made a spreadsheet that I am to enter what I have accomplished for each day and then it automatically totals the numbers I have entered. He also had a list of consequences that would result for each infraction as he likes to call it. One of the requirements on his spreadsheet is filling it out every night and emailing it to him along with a “daily chronicle” on my feelings.  LOL Who says that? He normally doesn’t say that.

I had to group text a few of my friends for support, “Isn’t this ridiculous? Who would do a spreadsheet? Is he ________ kidding? I don’t have time for this. Who says chronicle?”

         The response from my wonderful friends was not what I expected. They seemed to love it, one of them loves spreadsheets, the other wants one. I bet if she had one she really wouldn’t like it at all, and the one who loves spreadsheets or making them anyway, is now going to be receiving one. Seems Lee likes to share his ideas sometimes with other HOH’s, as they also like to share their ideas with him. I think everyone well just the HOH’s should keep their ideas to themselves.

          Well bottom line, I really don’t want to fill this out every day for 14 days. But… I am one lucky lady, he knows how I feel when he is gone, he knows what I struggle with, he knows about my anxious feelings, he knows I need to stay focused and busy. He just knows!

I am so happy he knows me so much better than I thought he did! I am not saying I will do this every single day, things come up, people get busy, life can get in the way. But I really do appreciate the way he took the time to email me a very long letter that was very thoughtful, loving, and encouraging for the most part. I know it took a lil bit of time for him to come up with the spreadsheet, the detailed consequence part I wish he would have just skipped altogether probably would have saved him so much time.

           I really don’t like when things are written down in black & white (don’t care for red much either)!