Wednesday, September 4, 2013

honey!!! Positive thoughts!

           I am going to try and think positive. I can do this, I know I can. I am strong always have been. I have really been blaming DD for my neediness and my anxiousness, and heck all the bad feelings I have been having since Lee is gone.
          I have said before I have never been needy. Now I am needy! I do not like the feeling at all. I used to get somewhat annoyed by needy women, actually I was someone they would talk with and I would try my very best to let them know, it is not good to be needy.
          Last night I couldn’t sleep, I just wanted Lee home to hold me, rub my legs, my neck, and back, to chat with, to hug, to kiss, to just be here with me. I sent him emails; I sent him texts until 3 a.m. I just couldn’t relax last night. The last email I sent him was so very raw for me, maybe I was just exhausted, I had just returned from a weekend away. I meant what I said but to really just come out and tell him was very out of the ordinary for me.
I just really miss you and now I am scared that I am loving you too much and our life. I know it is crazy sounding but I really am kind of scared I feel like I have given my whole heart to you. It scares me to death, I always kept myself somewhat protected and now I feel like there is nothing protecting me and my heart. My heart is so fragile, you really have no idea. I am terrified right now I can’t sleep. Then I feel like damn he is not going to want me being needy like this. Heck! I wouldn’t want me like this. I am so confused, scared, and just crazy. I know you love me. I know that without a doubt, I am just feeling needy AGAIN!
 I don't want you to be scared. I have to tell you that this is the ABSOLUTE best I have ever felt about us. You are NOT crazy!!!  You have finally relaxed, you are adjusting to me being the leader, the one you can lean on, to cry on my shoulder, to be held within my arms when you are scared or nervous. I do not consider this as needy. It makes me feel wonderful and EXTREMELY loved that you do need me. You are my girl. I love you more deeply today than I ever have. I can’t wait to see where our journey takes us. I NEVER have had a doubt about us. You are confused because you are letting go. I do not look at this as a sign of weakness. It is actually the takes much strength and courage to let yourself go. I Love You!
 I wish u were here to hold me, try and make me go to bed, heck sp*** me, something anything dang I need you!
I need you too and I know I need to be there. You do need to be spanked to bring you out of this little spiral

                 After thinking about this, struggling throughout the day to keep it together. I do have some positive thoughts. I am not needy, I am strong. I have grown so much, letting my walls down, allowing my feelings to show, the raw honesty, and just truly being me. Letting my Lee know how much I love & need him. By doing that I am sure he feels much more love. I might not be the best tih (and you can bet I never will be) but I am learning how to let my controlled self go and that is nothing short of a miracle.  I am pretty sure Lee would agree. 


  1. I totally agree. It takes a stronger person to be vulnerable than to do it all alone!

    I like to say I'm not dependent or needy...because I'm not the only one who needs this. I think it's more that we complete each other and we are better together than apart.

  2. JG,
    That is so funny that you said that, I didn't copy Lee's last sentence because it sounded so cliche. He actually said, "My world as cliche as it is, is not complete without you". I can't wait until he comes back home to me!!!!!

  3. I actually pumped a fist and loudly said "YES!" when I read these words:

    "I am not needy, I am strong"

    Needing ones partner is such strong component of a loving relationship. Loving someone enough to tell them you need them can sometimes be a stronger statement then telling them you love them.

    # MrBBSpanker