Worse Than a Spanking!

He’s home!!!!! Lee finally made it back, I was so happy to see him and our kids who are not kids anymore made sure they were home or came home to see him. We both are so happy they were both home for the weekend to greet & spend time with him/us. I just wish I had some alone time with him.

He let me know before coming home if the girls were here, I would “feel” that he is home, for a few of my transgressions. He said he planned to use the capsaicin cream. O OK my thoughts were it cannot be that bad. If you recall I played a lil practical joke on Lee this summer while giving him a massage, I kinda sorta somewhat accidently ended up sneaking some of that cream on his bottom during the massage. When he didn’t react to it, I used more and same nothing, so I again put more on him, he then reacted!!!!

Friday night he never said anything about using the cap cream I certainly didn’t mention it. Then Saturday night, when we were getting into bed he said turn over on your tummy, I am going to place a lil bit of this cream on you. I laughed and said no you are not. He popped me a good one said we will use the cream tonight or the girls are going to hear you get a sp******. I turned over.

He used just a lil bit it seemed and I lie there for a bit just noticing a small bit of tingling, then it got worse, and worse, and worse. It was awful. I couldn’t be still, I certainly couldn’t get comfortable, I couldn’t touch it. It was horrible. After a lil more than 2 hours Lee could tell the agony I was in. It was almost unbearable to me. He told me to come in the bathroom and used a little soft soap with a towel to try and get some off, still burning Lee! Then he said coconut oil lets rub coconut oil on it, I was scared so scared it would make it worse. I did what he suggested and OMGosh it helped! I was finally after a bit able to finally fall asleep like at 3 a.m.

The next morning one of our children made the comment she didn’t sleep very well last night, Lee told her smiling your mom didn’t sleep well last night either. She asked why? And before I could say anything he just giggled saying she had a very hard time getting comfortable.

That was my first and hopefully last experience with that dreadful cream. It was excruciating. I actually felt so bad this morning thinking of me playing my lil joke on Lee with it. I had put so much more on him and I  couldn’t tell him enough how sorry I am, that I did that to you, I had no idea it was that bad.

So  any of you that have never used  it, don’t be curious.  I kinda was. Not anymore! It was so uncomfortable and just kept getting more intense, there was no way I could possibly have had any aftercare or tenderness I was so out of sorts. I just really had no clue how painful that cream could really be. I am not curious about anything anymore! Please let’s just stick to the basics. BTW it is still stinging just a bit but it still is.

Chronicle! Spreadsheet! Sp******!

          I started it, I know I did. I sent Lee an email basically saying I miss him, I hope he arrived safely, I loved him, and then something about we have been very busy and maybe this DD stuff is not good for us at this time. I know we are so much closer, I know it does take much work though. I told him about me feeling needy, anxious, and maybe even crazy, and not liking it at all.  I let him know when he is here and leading me I feel so much better. I said something about us not having regular sit downs in awhile. I let him know I was just rambling and needed to go to sleep. I know it was a dumb move. I really just typed it and hit send. I have a habit of just saying what is on my mind without really thinking about it first.

          He called and was very HOH’y and loving at the same time. He let me know he would help me get through this and would be sending me an email. I always look forward to his emails.

          I woke up this morning, went downstairs to read my email. WHAT??? Really? Is he serious? His email was... well here is part of it.

I am not surprised by your two notes.  I expected it as it shows to me you are submitting more and more to me which makes you feel more vulnerable and needy.  Personally, I love that you are giving more to me and it does tell me you trust me more so now than you ever have.  It makes me feel so wanted and needed.  But, I also want to remind you that you are STILL a very strong woman and one that I respect and love so much.  Just because I am not physically there does not mean I am not there.  I am with you in heart and soul and I know you know that. I am just a text, phone call or face time away. I hate that you second guess this and feel you are crazy.  I want you to be confident in this lifestyle as I am.  I believe you are, except when I travel.  I need to come up with a better plan for you during this time to help you. Not that you are needy of help at all…just guidance to make each day full.

            Then he said some really lovely things that I just loved. Then he had to kind of ruin it well kind of ruin it.

As for guidelines, yes, we did not discuss and that is my fault…so, here are some guidelines I want you to follow and accomplish while I am gone.

            He had some great fun things in mind for me to do, to keep me busy with friends and relax. Then he had to go and mess up the whole email with…

  I do expect you to work on your goals more and to keep a daily record to send to me.  Whatever you don’t accomplish will be tallied up into discipline of my choice when I get home.

 He had a list of things I have been working on and some I am supposed to be working on. Then he had made a spreadsheet that I am to enter what I have accomplished for each day and then it automatically totals the numbers I have entered. He also had a list of consequences that would result for each infraction as he likes to call it. One of the requirements on his spreadsheet is filling it out every night and emailing it to him along with a “daily chronicle” on my feelings.  LOL Who says that? He normally doesn’t say that.

I had to group text a few of my friends for support, “Isn’t this ridiculous? Who would do a spreadsheet? Is he ________ kidding? I don’t have time for this. Who says chronicle?”

         The response from my wonderful friends was not what I expected. They seemed to love it, one of them loves spreadsheets, the other wants one. I bet if she had one she really wouldn’t like it at all, and the one who loves spreadsheets or making them anyway, is now going to be receiving one. Seems Lee likes to share his ideas sometimes with other HOH’s, as they also like to share their ideas with him. I think everyone well just the HOH’s should keep their ideas to themselves.

          Well bottom line, I really don’t want to fill this out every day for 14 days. But… I am one lucky lady, he knows how I feel when he is gone, he knows what I struggle with, he knows about my anxious feelings, he knows I need to stay focused and busy. He just knows!

I am so happy he knows me so much better than I thought he did! I am not saying I will do this every single day, things come up, people get busy, life can get in the way. But I really do appreciate the way he took the time to email me a very long letter that was very thoughtful, loving, and encouraging for the most part. I know it took a lil bit of time for him to come up with the spreadsheet, the detailed consequence part I wish he would have just skipped altogether probably would have saved him so much time.

           I really don’t like when things are written down in black & white (don’t care for red much either)!

Crazy Is Back!!!!!!!

         Are u kidding me? I can’t believe he hasn’t been gone for 24 hours and I am already missing him, us, I am not liking this feeling whatsoever. When I get like this it makes me question this way of life for us or me. Whenever he left before on these business trips, it honestly has not bothered me in many years. Now after starting DD it seems to make me crazy. I feel anxious, irritable, kind of sad. I don’t like these feelings sometimes I think was it better when I had really no feelings when he left? I know that is not good either but this feeling is sometimes more than I really care to deal with.

          I am a strong woman, I always have been, then when these feelings creep in… I start to feel I don’t know weak. I don’t like it at all.

          Ok I need to stop with the whining I know it. I need to become productive instead of wallowing in my self pity. I can do this, I am woman I am strong Hear me Roar! I need to get busy, I have many things I could tackle around the house, I could catch up on a few television shows (I am so behind on). I could go have dinner with friends, I could go paint another picture. So many choices I have, I need to decide and get busy.

          Isn’t it funny when they are here sometimes you just need your space and then when they are away you just want them as close to you as they can get. This might be a very long couple of weeks for me if I don’t choose to get it together. It is my choice on how I react to it, I need to make some good choices.

          I think I will just have a glass of wine or three!!!!!!

Our First DD Christmas!!!!!!

Wow! What a wonderful Christmas this year. It is not as much fun shopping for your college aged children as it was when they were little. I have to say shopping and making things for some of my DD friends we have met in chat was the most fun I have had in quite awhile. I enjoyed it so much and I know Lee did as well.

We received a package and OMGosh! This couple really pays attention, they really “know” you. It was so heartwarming to know these friends that we have never met in person but have spoke with on the phone, in chat, on skype, and text really do know us! I honestly almost cried, I received some wonderful items some very special t-shirts that I absolutely love, in the most perfect place was the word “Rosie” on my lovely t shirts, I only wear the pretty one, the other has FIRE all around the word “Rosie” I don’t think I should wear that one. My crystal wine stoppers are absolutely beautiful, and anyone who knows me knows I like my wine,  my angel nite light that is absolutely beautiful and gives off just the perfect amount of light and reflection. Lee received some things that had to do with golf which he absolutely loves.  Also the strangest looking leather fly swat and a red rubber heart shaped spatula. I say one is only to be used outside in the summer when the flies try to invade our picnic and the other belongs in the kitchen. Lee totally disagrees! We received a fabulous dinner invitation from another couple who we have met a few times and and what a great cook she is! I am so glad we live close enough to visit often because once the holiday season calms down I am hoping we can have more get togethers. We had the most wonderful time, well…. I overdid it on the cotton candy martini’s but they were so very good. They also gave us a Christmas present made of rubber in the cutest lil bag that said u have been naughty with coal in it. I say the rubber spatula is to use in the kitchen but Lee says to use on my bottom just like those other two! I totally know those were not meant for my bottom. Another pkg in the mail, was from another couple that we have met and have become good friends with or so I thought until we opened it!!!! A beautiful white fluffy fuzzy cover with a light blue wooden handle sticking out, as I pulled it out of the beautiful fluffy cover it was a hand painted paddle with bees and lil bee hives all over it! On the back it read “You are my feisty baby You’ll be over my knee. You’ll have a “Rosie” bottom You are my Honey Bee!” It was absolutely beautiful but wait… I thought we were friends!!!!!! We don’t do wood, as I am still yes wait for it… kinda sorta somewhat new to this! This paddle is pretty But OMGosh very thick I mean very thick!!! I know it was meant just for decoration, Lee says yes for decorating my a**!!!!! No, we don’t do wood!!!!!

Lee & I sent out a few presents as well, a personalized ping pong paddle but no rubber or anything soft on it at all! Not my fault, I would have put pretty feathers on it! Also, my sweet tih friends received an angel pin wearing a halo, because we all know they are truly angels. There were a few more things but I know this post is way toooo long.

I have to say this year Christmas was so much fun giving & receiving with my wonderful friends I have met. I cannot wait for next Christmas!!!